Ghosted Over Grief

It never fails to astound me how illiterate we are a society when it comes to grief and death, even though it is an inherent part of who we are as human beings. 

Here's the thing, we're all going to die. And the majority of us are going to experience the loss of a loved one (or loved ones) over the course of our lives. 

This past week, I felt my grief profoundly. I wasn't in a good place. The holidays and anniversary days are coming up, so the weight of losing my son was heavy. I didn't feel like doing anything other than attend to myself. I had to cancel plans with someone. When I explained it was because of my grief, this person ghosted me. Someone who is supposed to support and love me...ghosted me. 

Not only does this hurt, but it royally pisses me off. 

Then there are new people. I am not averse to sharing my loss with them. I've met fellow dog walkers who ask the typical get-to-know-you questions like "Do you have kids?" I refuse to exclude my son who died, so I tell them: "I lost my younger son." More often than not, I'm met with silence. 

Silence. 

I get that people might be afraid of saying the wrong thing or feel dumbfounded in the face of such news. But, come on! At least say, "I'm sorry." Ask how old he was. Don't meet me with silence. Don't ghost me. 

So here's my message to anyone who reads this: When faced with someone else's grief, try to meet it. Don't ignore it. In fact, acknowledge it. If you don't know what to say, say that: "I don't know what to say" or "I want to tell you how sorry I am, but I don't know if that's right or not." 

Be human. 

Be kind.

And don't ever, ever ignore someone's loss and grief. Please. 

It adds suffering to the pain of loss, even if you don't realize it.